Monday, September 16, 2013

Positivity Prevails

When I was teaching, one of the teachers that I worked with would always walk around on bad, rough days (which there were a lot of at our school) and say "positivity prevails" and remind all of us to be positive despite our very negative work experiences.

It always encouraged me and reminded me to look for the positive in the workday, no matter how hard the day was.

Lately between school and life and doctors and being what I call "real people sick" I've been feeling very negative lately. Very negative. Then I woke up this morning and I was at that level of pain where I literally couldn't see straight, wanted to vomit, and could barely move at all. I knew I had to go to school, because I don't really have a choice in the matter because I get 2 absences for the whole semester so I have to save the days where I don't go to school for days where I actually may be dying (which have happened before, so I have to plan for them). I was getting dressed and I was like "why me?" and then I remembered that I was choosing to overcome and then I remembered that I was alive today, and somebody somewhere didn't wake up today. So I was going to be positive. Because "positivity prevails." Then I decided that I was going to combat today's pain and fatigue with a positive attitude and random acts of kindness. And ya know what it worked. Imagine that.

This summer I saw this quote and got my friend to make me this meme for it and just love it. And it's so true. If you don't think that pain, thoughts, feelings, symptoms, etc., can change the chemistry of your are lying to yourself.

So I got dressed in a nice for a feeling crummy, it's kind of chilly out outfit. Put my dog in her crate and went off to school. 

I stopped at Starbucks and got one of my friends a grande caramel machiato because she had a bad week last week (and I got me one too, of course). Then I went to class. 

We were told we were getting our tests back that we took last Friday. Ya know the same test that I wrote about that I couldn't stay awake during, didn't know half the answers to, literally wrote on one of the questions "I know the answer but dysautonomia won't let me tell you" and on another calculation question "multiplier factor x 2.0932 = selling price" because I remembered how to get the 2.0932 but not the multiplier factor so I figured I would get at least 1/2 credit (which I did) but didn't know the rest. Well, at first I was really nervous, but then I remembered I was being positive today. I took my test out of the box and looked at my grade and I got an 82!!!! Holy cow!! 82!! That's a B!! That's passing!!! In our program you have to have a B or higher to be passing, C's and below are not passing. I passed a test where I was not even awake during, in excruciating pain, and was writing ridiculous answers. Then it got even better (for me, not my classmates...sorry classmates, if you're reading). Our professor posts the breakdown of the grades for the class and there was 1 A, 3 B's, and the rest (so 13 people made below a passing grade). So with all that other crazy stuff going on, I made one of the 4 passing grades in the whole class. How is that for reaffirming?! After we went over the test, we had some lecture, and talked about the church dinner project we have to do, but our lecture was considerably shortened because of the test talk and church dinner talk, more positive news. :)

Then we had our clinical round table class which is always fun because basically we just talk about what we did at our sites the week before, what can be better, make our professor go off topic, tell fun stories (that relate to medical nutrition therapy), talk about what kind of patients we should look for this next week in our clinicals, and go over our Monday homework. It's a pretty fun class. 

Then I had a nice break and got some gluten free lunch. I was also able to talk to the people at the medical supply company where I got my wheelchair and they said they would be able to fit in fixing my wheelchair today, so I wouldn't be without it for very long. Then I went to counseling and had a good session there as well. I ran my wheelchair to the place to get it fixed and he said that it would be done within the next hour, but I didn't have an hour, but he said I could pick it up tomorrow morning! Considering I was thinking it would be 3 or 4 weeks before I got it back, this really excited me. Then I went to acupuncture. 

At acupuncture she said they had just gone to an advanced acupuncture seminar for continuing education the previous weekend and it focused on people with difficult diseases and chronic illnesses and one of the diseases they covered was EDS so she learned some new ways to treat me possibly. So we re-worked everything and did completely new points this time and (knock on wood) my pain cycle is completely broken for the first time in 3 weeks and I can't believe it. There is still some mild pain in my most painful joints (like my wrists) but for the most part, my pain is reverted to where it was before school started!!! Praise the Lord!!! Is it because I went in with a positive attitude? Is it because the new sites worked better? Who knows, I'm just happy it feels better!

Then I tried out the brand new frozen yogurt place that opened up for dinner (yes, I'm gonna be a dietitian and I got fro yo for dinner) and then I took my dog on a car ride to get some coffee! The rest of the night I've been lounging around, relaxing, talking to some friends on Facebook, watching some Dancing with the Stars and Bones, and being happy. 

Now this blog could have been written a lot differently. It could have gone  little something like this:
  • Got the lowest grade ever on a test that I didn't know all the answers too
  • Had to sit through 3 hours of lecture
  • Had nothing to do for the hour in between class and counseling
  • Had to go to counseling because I need a counselor because I need someone to help me cope with my 38434432423 chronic illnesses that take over my life
  • Had to rush to the southside of town to get my wheelchair to the shop to get my wheels replaced because my tires went flat
  • Had to rush back to the other side of town to get to my acupuncture appointment on time 
  • Had to wait forever while they explained to me the new system and points from this stupid conference
  • Had nothing fun to do tonight because I had to conserve energy for my clinicals tomorrow so just got to sit on couch and watch TV and talk to friends on computer
  • Went to bed
  • Boring, horrible day.
Same activities right, but much different outlook. It really was a pretty rough, exhausting day. One that I really didn't feel 100% during, but I choose to be positive during it and it made it better, even if it was difficult at times. Perception is everything. 

All in all, considering I woke up today wanting to go back to bed and curl in a ball and cry I think it's been a pretty great day. Today may be the first day in months where I didn't feel like I needed to take a nap all day either. I stayed awake by myself for most of the day (besides while I was at acupuncture, but they encourage you to sleep there). And it's all because of a positive attitude. 

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