So My Psychiatrist Fired Me Today...

So for those of you that don't know. I had a slight break down at a doctor's office about 1.5 months ago, after being told more invasive tests would be run on me and that my lungs were now likely involved in my mito and when it goes to your lungs it's a matter of when you die, not if you'll die.

So I had a break down. And I cried, and I was upset. So this doctor took it upon himself to look through several of my other medical records and saw that I cry at a lot of doctor's appointments and get overwhelmed. (Wouldn't you if you were always being given news of invasive tests, failed treatments, expensive medications, etc, etc, etc.?)

So anyway he sent me to a psychiatrist to get my "anxiety under control" because I probably wouldn't make it through my sleep study, so I would need one dose for the sleep study.

What ended up happening was I saw her, she was very uppity with me and asked me 3 questions and from those 3 questions she determined I was suffering from extreme generalized anxiety and severe depression and would need to be put on heavy duty medications immediately.

The first med I was tried on (Xanax) left me rendered useless for the 2 weeks I was on it, completely dead to the world). So I switched for the past 2 weeks to Valium and she was going to add an anti-depression med to the mix today when I got bad if I was handling the Valium well.

She also told me that I had to bring back the bottle of Xanax with me to my next appointment to prove to her that I wasn't taking the Valium and Xanax at the same time, but today she was like what am I supposed to do with that. I reminded her she told me to bring it last appointment, which made me feel like she didn't trust me, but I did it anyway. Then she handed it back to me and I'm like what am I supposed to do with this? I could have brought it to the medicine drop this past weekend, but you wanted to see it and didn't even care that I brought it back. Ugh.

Then things just kept getting stranger and stranger. The whole time I've been seeing her I've basically been saying over and over I don't think I have anxiety, I don't think I need to be here, this is a waste of my time, and on and on. She's refusing to see me on anything less than a every 2 week schedule and when you already have multiple doctors appointments that is a lot out of my schedule.

But today she asked me how the med was doing and I told her I was tolerating it better than the Xanax but I would still have breakthrough anxiety even though I was taking it as prescribed. There would still be things that got to me. (So I was finally admitting to her that I did have anxiety, which I hadn't done before). She starts raising her voice and saying things like "I don't have a magic pill" and "what do you expect out of me?"

While she's going on about that I ask her "also, while we are going over questions, just how long do I have to come every 2 weeks, because this process has never been described to me and it's taking a lot of time and energy out of my schedule to make this appointment every 2 weeks...plus, my counselor doesn't even think I need to be on these drugs anyway and I've been seeing her for 2 years and she said she has never seen me so strung out as she has the past couple of weeks."

She starts getting really defensive and saying well you don't have to take these drugs, I'm not forcing them on you (lie, she was forcing them on me, she told me that i wouldn't respond to anything but high doses of benzos) and I said again I'm not asking to go off the drugs, I just told you I'm finally starting to tolerate them, I just want to know about the timeline of how often I'll be having to see you because it's exhausting to come in here every 2 weeks.

She then goes, you don't have to come in here ever again because I'm discharging you from my service. I'll make sure that you have a list of other psychiatrist's in town but you are doing nothing but being non-compliant with me, you aren't following instructions, aren't taking my advice, and spend the entire time I'm in here crying and screaming at me. I care about all my patients but you can't get help from me.

The whole time after this I'm telling her that she is not listening to me, I just wanted to know if I could come less than every 2 weeks. She said you would at least have to come once every month and I say that's fine, that is a big difference. And she goes, there is no difference between coming every 2 weeks and every 4 weeks. It's exactly the same why are you acting like it's a big difference? I tell her it is for me when I have so many doctors to balance appointments with.

Then she goes it doesn't matter anyway because I just discharged you from my service, so I won't be seeing you anymore. She gave me a list of other psychiatrists in town and 2 more weeks of my prescription. And left the room.

For as much as she was wanting me to admit that I had anxiety, when I finally did admit that the medicine was helping me she immediately discharged me and left me on my own to find a new doctor. And if I don't find one to see me within the next 2 weeks I will have to go off benzodiazapenes cold turkey and I've heard that is not pleasant.

I'm hoping I can get into the psychiatrist at school. But I am not sure. But it's like a switch flipped in her and she went crazy. Like she was literally screaming at me telling me that I wasn't listening to anything she had said and not doing anything to be compliant, but I showed up to all my appointments, brought my medicine bottle back, and have been taking my meds as prescribed. How much more compliant can you get?