Friday, January 2, 2015

2015: A Year of Beautiful Redemption

Every year at the beginning of the year, I choose one word that I am going to focus on for that year. I got this idea several years ago while listening to the radio in the car. Usually people make New Year's resolutions.  But seriously, I can barely keep things constant in my life for one day...heck one hour sometimes I can't keep things on track.

So the whole premise of what I try to do is keep in mind one word that I focus on throughout the year and try to live with that word in mind intentionally and live my life that way. So far I've used the words: faith, ambition, hope, and joy.

Even if i try to live this way for the whole year, it is still not always NEVER successful for me to live with that 'intention' for the whole year, each day, all the time--hence why I know I will never succeed at a list of resolutions...haha...if I can't even come up and follow living by one word.

This year though, I need to have two words. It's what I've been feeling. It is clear to me.

You see I never really pick my word, my word picks me.  Every year.

After the horribly rough year that I had last year--living my first full year knowing I have a terminal illness and dealing with a discrimination situation with school beyond reproach, I need a year of healing. But healing is such an obvious, yet abstract word for someone like me. So this year two words have picked me. This year, I will live a life of BEAUTIFUL REDEMPTION, as best I can that is.

Redemption is defined as: the act of making something better or more acceptable; the act, process, or an instance of redeeming. 

Redeeming is defined as: making a bad or unpleasant thing or person better or more acceptable.  And to redeem is to make (something that is bad, unpleasant, etc) better or more acceptable; to free from what distresses or harms;  to change for the better; repair/restore; to atone for.

After what happened with school, we all know that I have some things that I want redemption for. 

Enough said.

I know God's got the redemption  in the bag, but it's not bad to be reminded of that, and to use my life, my story, my passion, my drive and ambition to get redemption for myself also. Or at least make me feel like I am redeemed, even if i do not get it to the level that I want it to be attained. 

I can rise above.  Even if it never gets back to those involved, I will know that I did the best that I could do with what I had and maybe helped some people along the way. 

Beauty is defined as: the quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit; a beautiful person or thing; a particularly graceful, ornamental, or excellent quality.  

Lately, I've been stuck on this word beauty.  

What does it mean to have beauty? 

It's so hard to feel beautiful when you spend so much of your life curled up in bed and feeling so bad and on the days you feel your worst you end up dressing up because you are sure if people see how you truly feel (if they could see an invisible illness) they would be horrified and turn and run the other way.  

It's hard to feel beautiful when you are 29 years old and basically go completely bald and have to deal with that--until you find the perfect wig that is. 

It's hard to feel beautiful when you're in a wheelchair or walking around with a tube hanging out of your abdomen and a line hanging out of your chest, even if they are all helping you have a better quality of life and keeping you alive. 

But then that is when you I have to remember that the definition of beauty talks more about qualities than aesthetics and it makes it all alright. 

I've realized that again, by sharing my passion and purpose I am beautiful. 

I have since come to love the phrase "Be your own kind of beautiful," because everyone has something beautiful about them.

Each day this year, I resolve, no, intend to remember everyday that I am living a year of BEAUTIFUL REDEMPTION

I will find a word, a picture, a thought, a deed, something everyday that makes me feel as if I have satisfied my intention of beautiful redemption that day and I will document it somehow. Instagram, Facebook, blog, journal, somewhere. Then at the end of the year, I can look back throughout the past 365 days and see that because I have an awesome life and serve an awesome God that I have, in fact, been beautifully redeemed.