Wednesday, January 1, 2014

A New Year and My 100th Post!

It's kind of fitting that my 100th blog entry is on a brand new year. A brand new day. It almost feels like a brand new life.

I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately. A lot of contemplating on what life is. What life isn't. What life should be. What I should be making of my life. From bed. What kind of purpose I still have when there is so much I can't do.

Then I realized I was spending so much time focusing on what I can't do that I was spending no time focusing on what I still can do. There are several reasons that I got to that place. And I think I've eliminated most of them. Or I'm trying to one by one. But the point is that when your environment gets toxic so do your thoughts and your mind and your whole being becomes toxic and everything becomes negative and I've never been one for negativity. It eats at your soul and I don't need anything else eating at any other part of me right now. So I'm choosing joy this year.

And you can't stop me.

I've turned off the notifications to all the Facebook support groups where the same people go in and complain about the same small, itsy bitsy things every day (heck sometimes every hour) over and over and over again. They are still there in case I have a question, but I don't go in them if I don't need to. And no, I'm not talking about those of you with real concerns. I'm talking about the people we all know about that post their blood pressure every 30 seconds and don't take any advice but don't know why they aren't getting better. Or are posting that their arm hurts super bad but can type that out in a paragraph 13 times every day. Not the people that are legit needing support, that's what it's their for. Not the people that are trying to compete with each other for the who can be the sickest person in the group award. That is super annoying. Especially when those of us that probably are the sickest aren't even posting because we are too sick to post. Ironic, right?

Anyway. I've also created a separate Facebook page for my health issues from my main Facebook page to try to keep the "real me" separate from the "sick me". This is enabling me to kind of compartmentalize who I am. Identify that I have things that I still can do. Even if they are super small things like enjoy some quality TV time with my dog. Or a small outing to exchange Christmas gifts with a friend. Or going to get coffee. Or things like that. Nothing major for sure. Especially not now.

I'm also, on that note, learning to be thankful for all things (even the not so good things) and be mindful of God's grace. I'm reading Ann Voskamp's "One Thousand Gifts" and doing the devotional with a friend and using it as my sort of New Year's resolution thing. I'm not making a resolution because I don't ever keep those. But I am reading this book and doing the devotion and trying to make it my intention to follow through and make it a real part of my life and ingrained in me. The whole premise is that we have the choice to freely accept whatever God gives us and freely live with what He gives us. That way whenever anything happens it is something that we are thankful and joyful for. Because we weren't expecting it.

So when anything happens I'm going to choose to be thankful for it. I'm going to look for God's grace in it. I'm going to figure out a way to find joy in it. Even if it's another diagnosis. Which happened two days ago. But that's another blog post. For now it's a new year and I'm focusing on the promise of new life. The promise of hope. The promise that there is something beautiful yet to come.

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