Tuesday, June 18, 2013

"Spa Day" Speculation

So here I am getting an infusion again.

Don't get me wrong I love the fact that I am getting weekly fluids. But when you get Saline on Thursday, then need Remicade on Tuesday, and know you are getting another infusion of Saline on Thursday...it's a lot.

I'm supposed to be working on my thesis. And that's not happening right now because I have all these thoughts running around in my head. So I'm blogging first so that I can have a clear head to work on my thesis.

So here are some of the things I'm speculating about here on "Spa Day"

1) Why do people judge people?
Like I know I do it too, I'm the first to admit that. But seriously, I have been judged so many times the past week for things I'm doing with my life the past week, it makes me want to vomit, and I have about it. I am not a mean person, I'm not evil, I don't have mean intentions usually. Plus, what I chose to do with my health journey is my business. Believe it or not, I am semi-educated and have some health knowledge...therefore, I can make my own decisions on what to do with my body.

2) On that note, just because I am going off all my meds does not mean I am all better now. It means that the meds aren't really taking care of the symptoms and just causing more side effects so I'm going off of them because I would rather live with the disease symptoms then the side effects of drugs that are floating around in my system making me sedated and loopy.

3) Why can't all the doctor's get along? I go to the neurologist and he says it's a heart problem, I go to the cardiologist he says it's a GI problem, I go to the GI he says it's a heart problem, I go back to the cardiologist he says it's an adrenal problem. Why can no one take responsibility for this and tackle it head on. The only one that is kind of trying to help is my rheumy and he admits he doesn't know enough and just tries to help me find good specialists. Although, my GI did step it up yesterday.

4) On the GI note, I'm a dietetics student.  I know G-tubes, NG tubes, etc are not a first resort. You do not need to tell me that I need to try x,y, and z first to make sure before i go this route. I have been passing out or near passing out every single time I put any food in my mouth since November. That is 8 months of not being able to eat properly. I've lost 17 pounds because of it the past 3 months. I do not WANT a g-tube, I LOVE food! It's an option and a plan, we don't even know if it will work. Let me see if it does, let me make decisions regarding my healthcare.

5) Withdrawal stinks. I'm an emotional, over sensitive mess. I'm crying at most things and throwing up at others. I hope this goes away soon. But I doubt it will, since I'm on the lowest level right now.

And that is all for now. I'm tired and don't really wanna work on anything right now, but need to.

Hope you enjoyed my complaining :) 

1 comment:

  1. you are not complaining...you are sharing your pain. The Lord says our joys are doubled and our pain halved when we share with TRUE friends. I love you, I am sorry you have to deal with so much in your life. Wrap your arms around yourself as a big hug from me! Dee