My Light, My Strength, My Song

This is a blog that I wanted to write last Sunday, but I'm just getting around to writing it this Sunday.

If anyone knows me really well, they know that my favorite hymn by a long shot, maybe my favorite song by a long shot is "In Christ Alone." There is something about it that every time I hear it I get chills, know that God is all powerful and has control over everything, Satan will lose this battle, and this is not the end. I always end up crying/singing the lyrics really emotionally whenever I hear this song. It is just a really powerful hymn to me.

There are a lot of good parts in it like he is my light, my strength, my song; my cornerstone, my solid ground. Also where it talks about Him being my comforter and prince of peace. Basically the whole song is awesome.

But for me where it really gets awesome is the last verse:

"No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man.
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Til He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand." 

For me, as someone with a chronic illness, someone with an illness that may at one point be fatal, there is nothing more powerful than seeing these words together. The church that I go to does their services live online every week and that's how I attend, and I attend just like I would if I were in church so I sing along with the songs and what not. So last week when this song (my favorite song ever) came on I just so happened to be giving myself my medication through my J-tube which takes about 30 minutes every time I do it 3 times a day and is a big reminder of how sick I am because most typical people don't have a tube attached to their bodies that they administer 14 meds through on a three time a day basis, so usually when I'm doing my meds I'm feeling pretty sorry for myself. But this time at the same time I was doing my meds I was singing "NO GUILT IN LIFE, NO FEAR IN DEATH, THIS IS THE POWER OF CHRIST IN ME, FROM LIFE'S FIRST CRY, TO FINAL BREATH, JESUS COMMANDS MY DESTINY!" During the time of the day when I'm most vulnerable and thinking about everything that could go wrong with my health, everything that will go wrong one day (I just don't know what that day is yet) I'm singing at the top of my lungs "TIL HE RETURNS OR CALLS ME HOME, HERE IN THE POWER OF CHRIST I'LL STAND!"

When you have a chronic and most likely possibly fatal illness it's so easy to think about the bad parts, it's so easy to get overwhelmed with the mundane and the depressive side of things. The fact that your life is never the same anymore, the fact that the only time you leave your bed is to go to the doctor, the fact that you spend 2.5 hours a day taking medicine, on and on and on. It's so hard to remember the good things. But I promised myself that I was going to work on that this year. I was going to work on finding the joy in the little things. Finding things to be thankful for. I really think God used my favorite hymn this past week to remind me that I shouldn't be thinking about all the bad things when I take my medicine but be thinking about the good things my medicine allows me to do, perhaps while I'm taking them. Or maybe think about Him while I'm taking them. I spend a lot of time taking medicine, that's a lot of time I could be focusing on God or something positive, instead of everything that could go wrong, don't ya think. After all Jesus commands my destiny, maybe I should sit back and listen, instead of fighting back and allowing Satan's thoughts enter in too often with what could go wrong. Looking for joy is a lot more fun anyway, even if it's a little harder to find sometimes.