Thursday, October 13, 2011

be still and know that I am God

So...anyone that knows me knows that I've never been a lay in bed, watch tv, play on the computer ALL day type of person. In fact I've never been a be in my apartment more than an hour at a time person unless it was sleep time. I am a people person, I am be out and about outside, around town person. I am a person that always has 14 commitments to 15 people at a time person. I am not a sit still and rest person. This is probably why last week when I finally got out of the hospital after 12 days and laying in bed the whole time with very few but very loved visitors I way over did it. That is probably why this week I have felt like crap.

Today was the first day, ever in the history of my life I think, I rested like the entire day. The only thing I did today was went to Wendy's for dinner because I didn't feel like cooking. I also sold some more of my stuff. PS if anyone needs a wahser/dryer or a futon hit me up because I need them sold. People keep telling me to rest and get better. But seriously how healthy can it be to sit in your house alone all day. It is boring and I am becoming way too addicted to social media. Like way too addicted. However, it is what I have to do to get better.

People are also telling me to slow down in terms of figuring out what I want to do with my life. Try to figure out what God wants me to do. To, "be still and know that I am God." But as I said earlier I am not one of those sit in one place for too long people. This is hard. I really think I got this sick for a reason. I think that my potassium crashed making me too weak to move much in the day for a reason. Because I was always trying to so many things to so many people I never got to help or do things for myself. Now I can't do things for myself. And it kills me. I hate asking people for help, especially for help doing things that I can't repay. But right now I need that kind of help and I just have to sit back and watch it all happen. I have to sit back and watch my house be packed for me, my house be cleaned for me, and know that it's okay because I will repay it in the future even if it is not to the same people. I have to sit back and be still and know that I am God. Know that all my bills will be paid even if they are in the thousands of dollars and I have no money. I have to sit back and know that all my needs will be provided for and know that it will probably be done abundantly and more than I deserve.

I, for the first time in my life, have to sit back and not be the one being so many things to so many people and let people take care of me. I have to get better. I have to be nursed to health right now. I have to trust that all my needs will be met and just relax in the palm of my Father who will take care of everything for me. It is not easy for me but it will be done. Plus, I have to be at least a little bit better by January so I make it through my classes :) YAY! :)

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